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  1. #11
    So so sorry to hear about your loss.

    I'd say don't look to get your desire to train back, because that's looking backwards. The desire to train that you had before only fit into the life you had before. If you imagine that "desire" as a piece of a puzzle, it fit perfectly before into the overall picture of your life; your relationships, your thoughts, your goals etc. The reason it doesn't fit anymore is because the puzzle has changed and rearranged, so you'll therefore have to work out where your life is at first before looking for a new desire.

    So one thing I would advise is to slowly think life through and get your bearings. And please don't rush; take your time as you're really going through a lot. Only after you've worked out where you are in life will you be able to find a new desire that fits perfectly into that new landscape.

    Do update us on how you're getting on. Take things slowly and thank you for sharing with us all.

  2. #12

    Array

    School
    RMNU
    Location
    Northport, AL
    Posts
    815
    I know how you feel. It's ok to take some time off. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sorry for your loss.

  3. #13
    Patt Holloman's Avatar
    Array

    School
    10th Ventura
    Location
    Wanderlust
    Posts
    640
    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Steinmetz View Post
    My mother died on May 31st and I have not trained since then. I just have no desire to train and it's been almost two months. A couple of times I tried to force myself to train. I drove the 9 miles to the school, then when I got there, I just kept on driving.

    Has anyone experienced this before? If so, how did you resolve it. I don't want to quit and let all that work go to waste. How do you get your desire to train back?
    Hello, my 10th Planet Fam-Bam ( Family/ Famlee); I had a woman I loved die in my arms... It will come and go in waves ( that feeling ) of " What the Fuck Now? " Life's a muthafucka, brutha, keep ya head up... " I get by w/ a little helps from my friends."... She died in March, it takes time, my friend. When the emotions hit, let 'em out, time will pass and I promise you be training again; just don't force it. And alwayz remember that every1 in 10th Planet iz your family az well and that you can bend an ear anytime. P. S. Took ballz postin' what you did and THAT is the 1rst step...speaking it aloud. You'll make it.
    “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.”
    ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

    "I am truly a ‘lone traveler’ and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude---feelings which increase with the years." -- Albert Einstein, Ideas and Opinions

    "Nature does not know extinction; all it knows is transformation. Everything science has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our spiritual existence after death." -- Wernher von Braun

    "The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan." -- Carl von Clausewitz, On War

  4. #14
    Patt Holloman's Avatar
    Array

    School
    10th Ventura
    Location
    Wanderlust
    Posts
    640
    I agree, it does take more strength 2 show ones emotions than 2 conceal them. And I kno what you mean. I had a phychiatrist 4 a father, I wasn't aloud to have feelings. I believe that sometimes it takes something hardcore/earthshaking to open a person's eyes to what's important and 2 bring the best out of them. That's what it took 4 me. My "childhood" to Robin dying forced me to look at myself and ask questions. If only it were as easy as sweeping it under the rug.
    “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.”
    ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

    "I am truly a ‘lone traveler’ and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude---feelings which increase with the years." -- Albert Einstein, Ideas and Opinions

    "Nature does not know extinction; all it knows is transformation. Everything science has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our spiritual existence after death." -- Wernher von Braun

    "The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan." -- Carl von Clausewitz, On War

  5. #15
    jaywatkins67's Avatar
    Array

    School
    Indianapolis, IN
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Posts
    335
    Sorry to hear that, bud. My father passed away just last April and even though he was bed ridden for the last 6 months it was still difficult. I consider everyone at my gym a part of my family. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood during the day 9.5 times out of 10 I am in a much better or great mood after practice. More times than not, I don't even discuss personal matters with others, it's just the fact that I am surrounded by good people in a good environemnt. That's how I deal with it and look at things.

  6. #16

    Array

    School
    10th Planet Walnut Creek
    Posts
    5
    My twin sister died May 6th, and believe me I didn't want to do anything either. First day back from the funeral I went and trained, every one was super supportive and offered their condolences. For 2 hours I didn't think of her passing. I don't have any advice because every one grieves and goes through these things their own way. For me, getting back and training is what is working for me. Sorry for your loss, hang in there

  7. #17

    Array

    School
    Ethos Jiu-Jitsu & Martial Arts of Tyler, Texas
    Location
    Tyler, Tx
    Posts
    517
    Sorry to hear about your loss, brother. I've dealt with some shit too, and it caused me to feel the same way. However, after a few weeks, If forced myself to go and go. After a little bit, you'll gain back your desire. Some things we never get over, they just become easier to live with. Stay strong, man.

  8. #18

    Array

    School
    Grove City BJJ Academy
    Posts
    49
    When I lost my grandfather (who was basically my Dad growing up) I went through something similar to this; at the time I was really big into Military Exhibition Drill (Rifle spinning) and I literally couldn't look at or touch a rifle for a month, but then I kind of had a realization that helped me put things into perspective:

    Your Mother loved you for who you were, she wouldn't want you to change that because of her passing. This is your passion, this is what you love and it's a part of who you are. Taking that away from yourself is taking away part of something she loved about you.

    I know it's not easy dealing with loss, but every gym is a family, when you step on those mats again your family is going to welcome you back with open arms and tell you they love you by hugging your neck.

    I'm sorry for your loss man, I'll pray for you and your family to help with this loss and hopefully help you get back on the mats.

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