How to Sell a Martial Arts Book

It's all in the acknowledgements:

Insert quote on how awesome this book is:
"This shit is fucking amazing!"

Insert quote on the author's credentials:
"The author is the hand-picked martial arts instructor to an elite special ops division of a herd of golden hippopotami that the author met on shrooms."

Insert Chuck Norris reference:
"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with this book under his pillow, his pillow sleeps on top this book to defend itself from Chuck Norris."

Insert quote from someone from another culture:
"Hey Dora what's going on? Hey Boots! Im packing up my mochila so we can go to Abuela's house!"

Insert quote on how this book is so extreme it might start a revolution:
"The techniques in this book are derived from the teachings of Karl Marx that the government doesn't want you to see!"