How to deal with my ego double edge sword?

It's very clear you have an issue with your ego and you take yourself far too serious. I was busy smashing people internationaly while you were still in diapers. I've been at this 27 years with the injuries and scars to go with it. Closing in on 38, I've earned my retirement. I'm still on the mat rolling 3-4x a week for an hour a shot, you're always welcome to come to roll and get your ass kicked like everyone else,then we'll smoke some bud and we'll laugh about how if helped your ego.

When the ego is involved the sometimes obvious answer escapes us. You can't control the actions of your partner, only your own. If you can't continue to flow and work to get better while he's going "too hard for you", then don't roll with him. You can't allow emotions to dictate your roll, this isn't the dark side of the force.

Damn, that was a nice reply! Closing in LoL! I'm 38 in two days :(

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Originally Posted by robert gero

ok...just meant how do you guys personally handle the situation when a guy is going abu dhabi on you? not that you couldnt beat him or match him? I was struggling with the fact that if i turn it up and started going hard it could get messy and dangerous...I was going like 50 percent and he was going 100 and that is ok, but dam when i catch you in mission control and about to traingle you i get a slam? I was wondering how you guys would handle this situation as i know it will happen again even if it not him........ @ jonathan seems to me like you like taking jabs at people and all the time.....i finshed 2nd at the worlds and first at every other tourney naga,usgrappling etc... i still suck and try to be humble as i can with my shitty ego...but dam jonathan i never see or here you competing or placing in any event? hetzog or what ever good jab also to you....i will go learn to spell and correct my grammar as soon as you go to a tourny and compete instead of making vids and taking jabs... dude when the last time you competed? just saying both of allways take jabs at me look back at all my post .....

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[IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/Kk3X7Hq*pMMmnq25g-Hkr7BH8YFbDgaToaSCDjSclVdsxUG-dCH0zWGWbBJMGalzDyZVAjjXAT1Y-J0vDwcN-nffpKhHPwnU/menacegif.gif[/IMG]

LOL.


Either way, on the subject, I suppose there's two ways to deal with it. One; don't roll with him. Or 2; focus on defeating him with pure technique. I mean, if you can beat him going at 50% using pure technique while he goes 100%, that means you'll be even better when YOU go at 100%. If your ego can't handle it, don't roll with him. If you're focused on getting better, use the opportunity to get better.

I'm a big boy. Some of the guys I roll with are nearly half my weight. I try not to muscle my way into or out of things. And some of the guys I roll with are bigger than me, and even then, I still stick to my plan. I don't muscle things. I want to get things right using proper technique. So when the day comes that I DO roll at 100%, I'll be a monster. In the meantime, I might get tapped by someone who goes harder than I do. But with every tap I get a lesson.

It's all about perspective. In class, you're learning, not competing. Don't treat rolling as competition. Treat it as a laboratory.

Start going 100%. problem fixed. If you don't go 100% and play guard the whole time you are cheating yourself.

Dude your best option is be fucking honest. Approach him and say to him "look I'm here to train not get hurt or hurt people, and you go way too hard to have an enjoyable training session with. Would you like to go softer? If not I will stick to rolling with people who understand the context of our rolling."
The gym is no place for holding your tongue or not speaking your mind.
I also go sometimes with guys that wanna compete in practise and I either start going for painful stuff like toe holds, calf crushes, very tight lockdowns, just remember that you don't have to impress anyone. you don't have to conform to anyone's idea of rolling. If you are not having fun, don't roll with him or let him know. Maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it and would appreciate someone letting him know. You'll probably notice noone else wants to roll with him

To address your question:

My last international competition was in 2006, at the Swiss Sambo Open. Prior to that I had won a silver at the US Sombo Nationals, Silver at the Sombo World Open, and was the #1 rated heavy weight in the US and selected to for the US team for the Sombo world cup in france, but I had to bow out due to ankle injury that later required reconstructive surgery. At the Swiss Sambo Open I took 1st in Combat Sambo, 3rd in Sport Sambo (My only loss came via a 3x world sambo champion, I lost 6-4) and 3rd in Submission Grappling (I injuried my ankle in the semi finals and had to bow out). In those 2 days of competition and fighting I was on the mat fighting for over and hour of actual action, with teams from 26 diffrent countries there. That same year I retired from Judo after taking my 2nd state title. I retired from Judo with 2 state championships, a national title and medals in international competitons as well. My last kickboxing fight was in 2006 when I lost a split dec for the USKBA US National title, about 8 months later my last boxing match was in Golden Gloves where after giving my opponent 2 standing 8 counts in the first round , the ref was forced to stop the bout as I had torn my left bicep off, which required surgery (this was after have my right bicep reconnected 6 months prior). My last submission grappling event was at Grapplers Quest Nationals in 2009 where I took 4th, I seperated my shoulder via a take down early in the day and got subbed (via armbar on the same arm) for the first time in my competitive career, and choose to fight for 3rd anyway and lost due to an advantage becasue I choose to pull guard only to have my opponent run from me the rest of the match.

Hopefully that will satisfy your question and you will allow me to post videos with your consent.

Oh and lighten the fuck up Francis, don't take everything so damn serious. We are all here to learn, AND HAVE FUN!

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Originally Posted by Calan Ownhouse

Dude your best option is be fucking honest. Approach him and say to him "look I'm here to train not get hurt or hurt people, and you go way too hard to have an enjoyable training session with. Would you like to go softer? If not I will stick to rolling with people who understand the context of our rolling."
The gym is no place for holding your tongue or not speaking your mind.
I also go sometimes with guys that wanna compete in practise and I either start going for painful stuff like toe holds, calf crushes, very tight lockdowns, just remember that you don't have to impress anyone. you don't have to conform to anyone's idea of rolling. If you are not having fun, don't roll with him or let him know. Maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it and would appreciate someone letting him know. You'll probably notice noone else wants to roll with him

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+1

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Originally Posted by robert gero

Well long story short we all have ego problems and all and deal with them in different ways...Well we had a guy who been training about 3 years more than me and he got like 40 pounds on me...He is young like 22 or something so i try to understand that he going to go hard and go near 100%...but it like he been warned even banned from our gym then he comes back here and thier.....I guess my main point is how do you deal with things like this when it and average day and your sparring and someone like that is going 100 percent and even like when u go to mission control they try to slam u to get out...you go for de la riva they runny away hard....you still going easy but inside u want to get into a pissing war and go tick for tack with them..? I still took the high road and did my thing at going normal and flowing..he continued to go 110% and treating it like a mma match? i guess my ego is saying dam robert he just treated u like a bitch and why didnt you go tick for tack with him? the other side is saying good job keeping you cool... i fill frustrated that i didnt go tick for tack with him...ego or normal?

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Well first off I do think that your problem is ego. You are worried about what he thinks or what you think others perceptions of the outcome of the match are. When I train at the club I dont keep track of my record, Ego gets left at the door. My problem with guys that go 100% is that they can injure someone, not whether he "gets the better of me". I let my opponent set the pace if I'm the better fighter... I elevate if he elevates.... if he is being a complete bone head... I may even try to tell him that first and explain that Im gonna escalate if he continues because I dont want to get injured myself from a guy who is being spastic on me. If that doesnt work then I ll run a train on him, he can leave my school if he doesnt like it, but myself, my students wont risk injury. There is a saying in Judo, mutual welfare and mutual benefit. A guy trying to injure you in training isnt doing that. If he has been warned at the gym and has come back, my question would be for the owner of the school as that the guy is gonna injure someone. If you are the better fighter and you escalate the pace I doubt he can injure you. Sounds a bit like you cant settle him down or control him, I think youre ego may be hurt because he runs game at you (safely or unsafe).

exactly, just tell him. at the gym where i train, when i first got there thats all they did. every rolling match was 100%. lots of injuries n lots of hurt egos. all i did was start telling everyone o rolled with that i wasnt trying to go hard, just work technique n learn, and now everyone in there is pleasant to roll with, very respectful, and very open minded since every new technique they try doesnt get smashed by some overeager try-hard.

Lighten the fuck up Francis LMFAO!!! Too good!