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Sorry to hear that brotha. I haven't dealt with that but my mother just had a heart attack and stroke. It really put things into perspective. It's making me think about how I divide my time. All I can say is not to make long term decisions. Just go day to day and do what's best for you and the people you love.
Sorry to hear that mate. My Dad passed away just over 3.5 years ago and I struggled for a couple of years afterwards. I went to a training session a couple of days after he died and as I walked in one of the guys saw me come in and gave me a hug. I almost lost it. I found training and trying to keep some form of routine / normal life was beneficial. What I didn't realise until I was able to look back was just how much his death impacted everything I did. I found it really difficult to enjoy things. Everything I did felt like my enjoyment level was somewhat muted and my default feeling was almost always one of indifference. One of the hardest aspects was how it seemed that people just moved on with regular life and I was stuck in a grief state. It was definitely a rough experience but I have had the support of family and friends (including many people on this forum) and feel like I am in a good place now. It is a cliche but things do get better with time. I can't promise that you'll instantly get over this but each day takes you closer to finding comfort and peace.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way
Sorry for your lost my friend. I too have experienced lost like that. Things were going great in my mind for mma once
and just as i saw that glimps of beauty in motion my father died. It was bad cus the emotions were coming in slow drips
everyday... My irregular trainings became even more irregular. You never lose what you got tho , just give your self a couple of months when you start again , cus you will have to experience the hell that is in the begining again, lost of cardio and all.
Other than that we must take the hits of life as we go along our path. Be glad and greatful that we have know love from our parents and have the strengh to push forward even tho that forward seems to be lonelly and dark.
As Aoki Shinya once said "dont think much of yourself after all you liveis small and meaningless".
and another one "live is hard after all it kills us" its not by him the last one but i wanted to throw it out there.
Cheers
My mother didn't die, but about 4 years ago she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The surgery to remove it was supposed to be quick and smooth but there were complications. After the surgery her brain was so affected from the surgery trauma that she did not know who I was or that she had a son. It took about 2 months of rehabilitation just to be able to speak and a year before she could plan and make a meal for herself. The hardest part was the immediate changes to her and her personality and that I was not able to prepare ahead of time for the changes. It was such a stressful experience that my hair was falling out in patches. After I became accustomed to changes things got better. The immediate unexpected change in the health of a family member especially a parent is very traumatic. I am sure if you went back to your club the other members would be there to support you through this part of your life.
Grieving is normal dude, what you are going through is normal. Don't be afraid to seek help, especially if you haven't got a great support network in your life. Talk to your friends, even if it feels 'weird'. Talk to your coach, they can't be supportive if they don't know what's up.
It doesn't make you less of a man, or weak to see a professional psychologist or counsellor. If they are good (you can seek someone who specialises in grief), they will help in understanding why you feel the way you do, and can guide you to get things back on track. Even if it's just someone to talk to once a week for a while as you start to find your feet, it will help.
My condolences
Two months is absolutely no time at all after such a loss. I lost my Mam almost 2 years ago, and to be honest, it's only in the last few weeks that my perspective on her death has changed and I feel like some colour is coming back into my life. As far as bjj is concerned I had no desire to train, hell I didn't want to live after her death, and the only choke I have tried in the last 2 years, resulted in my girlfriend cutting me down from the lead round my neck after I'd blacked out after hanging myself - at least I didn't tap. I went from thinking about bjj 24/7 to not caring less about the sport after my Mam died.
Anyway, that change in perspective has come from seeing how my insignificant life fits into the bigger picture. I now realize that my Mam is still here, she's here because the love that she instilled in her family and the way she showed us how to fight until you simply cannot fight anymore, will always be alive while her children and grandchildren are alive. It's now time for my sister and me to fill the void left by my Mam's death and look after our loved ones the way that she loved us and taught us to love. I was lucky to have her in my life until I was 45, as my Mam was 5 when she lost her Mother.
I think the bjj bug has bit again tonight as I was play wrestling with my 3 year old grandaughter and I couldn't escape her side control, so I thought it was time to maybe get studying again... checked out the 10P site and the first thing I saw was this post.
Just give yourself time man and expect your mind and moods to be all over the place, you'll have good days, bad days and days when you wonder if life will ever feel right again. Trust me, it will eventually, and the things that used to interest you and give you joy, will again. Wishing you all the best and truly sorry for your loss.
She had a heart cath and they decided not to do the stent. Medication, diet and exercise. She was doing well but then the meds they prescribed made her throat swell up and her body was "on fire". They're trying different meds to find what's best for her. Right now I just gym hop. No solid location.Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Steinmetz
Sorry for your loss brother! Stay strong!
So so sorry to hear about your loss.
I'd say don't look to get your desire to train back, because that's looking backwards. The desire to train that you had before only fit into the life you had before. If you imagine that "desire" as a piece of a puzzle, it fit perfectly before into the overall picture of your life; your relationships, your thoughts, your goals etc. The reason it doesn't fit anymore is because the puzzle has changed and rearranged, so you'll therefore have to work out where your life is at first before looking for a new desire.
So one thing I would advise is to slowly think life through and get your bearings. And please don't rush; take your time as you're really going through a lot. Only after you've worked out where you are in life will you be able to find a new desire that fits perfectly into that new landscape.
Do update us on how you're getting on. Take things slowly and thank you for sharing with us all.
I know how you feel. It's ok to take some time off. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sorry for your loss.
Hello, my 10th Planet Fam-Bam ( Family/ Famlee); I had a woman I loved die in my arms... It will come and go in waves ( that feeling ) of " What the Fuck Now? " Life's a muthafucka, brutha, keep ya head up... " I get by w/ a little helps from my friends."... She died in March, it takes time, my friend. When the emotions hit, let 'em out, time will pass and I promise you be training again; just don't force it. And alwayz remember that every1 in 10th Planet iz your family az well and that you can bend an ear anytime. P. S. Took ballz postin' what you did and THAT is the 1rst step...speaking it aloud. You'll make it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Steinmetz
I agree, it does take more strength 2 show ones emotions than 2 conceal them. And I kno what you mean. I had a phychiatrist 4 a father, I wasn't aloud to have feelings. :) I believe that sometimes it takes something hardcore/earthshaking to open a person's eyes to what's important and 2 bring the best out of them. That's what it took 4 me. My "childhood" to Robin dying forced me to look at myself and ask questions. If only it were as easy as sweeping it under the rug.
Sorry to hear that, bud. My father passed away just last April and even though he was bed ridden for the last 6 months it was still difficult. I consider everyone at my gym a part of my family. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood during the day 9.5 times out of 10 I am in a much better or great mood after practice. More times than not, I don't even discuss personal matters with others, it's just the fact that I am surrounded by good people in a good environemnt. That's how I deal with it and look at things.
My twin sister died May 6th, and believe me I didn't want to do anything either. First day back from the funeral I went and trained, every one was super supportive and offered their condolences. For 2 hours I didn't think of her passing. I don't have any advice because every one grieves and goes through these things their own way. For me, getting back and training is what is working for me. Sorry for your loss, hang in there
Sorry to hear about your loss, brother. I've dealt with some shit too, and it caused me to feel the same way. However, after a few weeks, If forced myself to go and go. After a little bit, you'll gain back your desire. Some things we never get over, they just become easier to live with. Stay strong, man.
When I lost my grandfather (who was basically my Dad growing up) I went through something similar to this; at the time I was really big into Military Exhibition Drill (Rifle spinning) and I literally couldn't look at or touch a rifle for a month, but then I kind of had a realization that helped me put things into perspective:
Your Mother loved you for who you were, she wouldn't want you to change that because of her passing. This is your passion, this is what you love and it's a part of who you are. Taking that away from yourself is taking away part of something she loved about you.
I know it's not easy dealing with loss, but every gym is a family, when you step on those mats again your family is going to welcome you back with open arms and tell you they love you by hugging your neck.
I'm sorry for your loss man, I'll pray for you and your family to help with this loss and hopefully help you get back on the mats.