young, lost, FRAT

cliffnotes if you scroll down

Hey everyone,

I've come to a point that I don't know where else to turn to for advice, so I'd really appreciate some words from you guys. I'm 19 years old, just dropped out of university, and on the waitlist for 12-14 months to get into trade school. Currently out of work, so I've been spending a lot of time evaluating my own life.

There was a time when I felt I had clear goals and direction. This was back in highschool, when my mentality was set on pursuing a serious music career. I had a 5 year plan when I was 15 years old that dictates I would be a 2nd year jazz performance major by now. Pffft look at me now, living at home, unemployed, college dropout. My obsession with music (and I don't mean "passion" because obsession implies character flaw) was lost when my band mate and, best friend took his own life on 09. Ever since then I've felt unsure of my life.

In 2010 I went to university, I thought that was the key to my future. Dropped out in April 2011 because I saw little value of what I was studying and I wasnt interested in the "real" degrees my friends often spoke about.

Since then I applied for trade school to become an electrician. I was anticipating to start in August of this year but because of the high demand in admission, I won't even start until May 2012. I still like to believe this is what I want to do, but from now until then I have no clear direction.

Right now my day consists of going to jiu jitsu, and helping my mom out with our home daycare business(unpaid ofcourse). Although I've become obsessed with jiu jitsu, I see no future in it. I've been in martial arts my whole life so I'm well aware of my limitations as a student. I train my ass off and I'm very intuitive, but I'm too physically limited to acquire much success as a competitor.

Seems that I can't find success in anything I do. Or maybe its just that I can't find fulltime work at the moment that I have too much time to think. I feel that through jiu jitsu, I have more in common with you guys than I do with my friends, so I hope to get some advice from those who have been through similar situations as mine. How should I get over this feeling of uncertainty? How else could I view my situation to better see the answers?

Thanks for the time

cliffnotes:
-young
-passionate
-college dropout
-no success in jiu jitsu
-looking for advice

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dont worry dude, life is the meanest thing ever to almost everyone LOL
theres a solution for almost everything.

cant find full time? settle for part time
no success in jiu jitsu? your still a white belt and got time
(it takes a decade to get a blk belt so taking breaks for work and music is ok)

college dropout? atleast your not a criminal gonig to jail right? the glass is always half full..atleast try to think that way

hope i helped good luck

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HerbChao

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I give 10-1 odds that is some Amway shit right here.

Uncertainty is good, I myself have just finished my degree after 4 years and still don't feel like I have a path. I planned on continuing work with my industrial year placement but since my old boss quit, I have recently found that I'm not tied down anywhere. I find comfort in the fact that I have many possible paths that I may choose, If I wanted to do nothing within the IT field then so be it; my degree would have been an important learning curve and valued as such.

The best advice I can give is figure out what can you do in the time you have that will help you find your new many passions in life. For example I aim to work part time doing any day job, creating Android/iPhone apps and games in my spare time while training MMA to keep me fit. I'm only 21 and want to travel around the world soon and will fit my life around that goal when the time comes.

Best part is your 19!
Youth is on our side :)

I used to play piano and guitar in highschool. I still do but not as much as before. I was very very very good at piano. I found a new passion in bjj after I lost a fight. I'm also finishing up trade school, getting my degree as an EMT hoping to become a firefighter. I was also accepted into university last christmas but decided not to go because I didn't have any interest in any of the degrees.

don't trick yourself into thinking your too physically limited for jui jitsu. Remember JJ Machado won nearly every comp in brazil and a shitload of others with only one functional hand. If you read the beginning of mastering the twister eddie bravo talks about how wasn't fast or strong enough for football. But look at him now. He beat the undefeated royler gracie one of the best jj masters in the world!!! And he was like 24 when he started training! And look at Anthony Robles.. He won the NCAA wrestling championship with one leg!! And Jeff glover dominated the open weight division 15 times despite weighing only 145 lbs!!

and remember you are just starting at jui jitsu. how long did it take you to get good at music? Also at primero jui jitsu I also feel like I have a brotherhood there. For some reason they believe in me when even my mom and my dad don't, who seem to think that I don't have the physical talent for jui jitsu. But I know that I can be great.

my advice to you is not abandon your music. that was a mistake I made when I first began training. I'm also a really obsessive person and felt that I had to abandon music to get good at BJJ. don't. music is a part of who you are. you can't let a single thing define you because you are a lot of things. I feel at peace when I combine the two in my life. Because in a way everything we do is the same.

most importantly do what makes you happy and remember success never comes immediately. I wish eddie bravo could get on here and tell you how many bands he started to try famous and how many competitions he entered before he won one. Plus he's the most successful out of all of us (I think) I'm sure he'd have something wise to say.

When I was 20, I literally couldn't see a future for myself - AT ALL. Like, I would try to visualize what my life would be like in the future (say, like, when I was 40) and it was just like a black screen. I became convinced (although I never really told anyone) that I wouldn't live to see the day, that must have been why I couldn't see a future, right?

I spent the majority of my 20's screwing around in every way possible short of getting arrested. I had no idea what to do with my life, what I was passionate about, or anything else. I lived paycheck to paycheck (when I had a paycheck) and life seemed pretty aimless.

I'm 41 now, and let me tell you, life is pretty good. Really good, in fact.

What you're going through is completely normal. Hell, I'd even say you're ahead of the game because at least you are aware of your situation and are putting some thought into it - most people don't even have that awareness. Most people at 19, hell, even for a good chunk of their lives just kind of float through life being unaware of anything at all. I was one of those guys, and I would look at people that were successful in a given field and get jealous, maybe the guy had a great house, lots of money, hot girlfriend/wife, hot car, and wonder "why does THAT GUY have his shit together, and I have none of that?"

But let me tell you - things WILL get better. The things you seek will manifest themselves - it might take time, maybe even a lot of time. I didn't even figure out a career path until I was 27! Keep your eyes (and mind) open for opportunities that present themselves. You need to experience life and you will find your inspiration. Once you do, it will take time and sacrifice (sometimes a LOT of sacrifice) to achieve your dream - just remember that sometimes you have to pay some hard dues to get what you want. Really, you shouldn't have it all figured out at 20. You're probably over thinking it and selling yourself short to boot. I'm sure that you're more successful than you can see yourself. Don't be that hard on yourself!

I'm not saying this is right or wrong but what I did was I tried many things and did the best that I could at these things. Sure I got really good at some stuff but I wasn't looking for what I was good at, I was looking for something I loved doing. Everyone gets these "real" jobs just to be lucky to find time on their days off to do what they love. I don't see the point in working (unless you have to) 5 days a week just to do what you really want to do for 2 days. That ratio seemed off for me, so now I work 2 days a week (if that) and just don't spend my money on things I don't really care about or need. My priority needs to be what I love and everything else is secondary. I've never enjoyed life more.

Im just finishing my Electrical Engineering studys now and i cant find an apprenticeship anywhere and i found out recently its fully not what i want to do, but im going to finish my study side and try and join the police ill be 3rd generation so i hope that leaves me feeling better about the future but im glad i have Jiu Jitsu and i wouldnt mind doing something in the future with it because its blowing up big and i seriously LOVE it!

get into mma
strictly jiu jitsu
you will start out in short circuit events fighting against scrubs anyways
go in their and take em down and sub em right away
dont worry bout stand up and just takedowns and jiu jitsu
thats how you end it
make some money, save up until you find a decent job that you can support yourself on, think about what you want to do the rest of your life and what will make you alot of money
start going to a university again and work your ass off
dont worry if it wont matter in the long run just worry about getting a degree in something

It seems that your problem isn't actually what's going on in the outside world, sounds like you're still mourning the death of your best friend and since he died you feel alone in the world (which is understandable) maybe you should get into meditation and stuff to try and change back yo a positive mindset and go from there.