How to deal with my ego double edge sword?

Well long story short we all have ego problems and all and deal with them in different ways...Well we had a guy who been training about 3 years more than me and he got like 40 pounds on me...He is young like 22 or something so i try to understand that he going to go hard and go near 100%...but it like he been warned even banned from our gym then he comes back here and thier.....I guess my main point is how do you deal with things like this when it and average day and your sparring and someone like that is going 100 percent and even like when u go to mission control they try to slam u to get out...you go for de la riva they runny away hard....you still going easy but inside u want to get into a pissing war and go tick for tack with them..? I still took the high road and did my thing at going normal and flowing..he continued to go 110% and treating it like a mma match? i guess my ego is saying dam robert he just treated u like a bitch and why didnt you go tick for tack with him? the other side is saying good job keeping you cool... i fill frustrated that i didnt go tick for tack with him...ego or normal?

You may want to start here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tit_for_tat ;)

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Originally Posted by Chris Herzog

You may want to start here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tit_for_tat ;)

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I thought he was trying to say the guy had bad breath....
http://images.businessweek.com/ss/09...ge/slide-5.jpg

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Originally Posted by robert gero

Well long story short we all have ego problems and all and deal with them in different ways...Well we had a guy who been training about 3 years more than me and he got like 40 pounds on me...He is young like 22 or something so i try to understand that he going to go hard and go near 100%...but it like he been warned even banned from our gym then he comes back here and thier.....I guess my main point is how do you deal with things like this when it and average day and your sparring and someone like that is going 100 percent and even like when u go to mission control they try to slam u to get out...you go for de la riva they runny away hard....you still going easy but inside u want to get into a pissing war and go tick for tack with them..? I still took the high road and did my thing at going normal and flowing..he continued to go 110% and treating it like a mma match? i guess my ego is saying dam robert he just treated u like a bitch and why didnt you go tick for tack with him? the other side is saying good job keeping you cool... i fill frustrated that i didnt go tick for tack with him...ego or normal?

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You feel frustrated, you fill a container.

Their not thier and actually he comes back "here and there".

Damn guys, so rough LOL! Rob, just train bro! If training for you is flowing, then flow! Keep your tech tight and eventualy you will be the hammer, instead of the nail! Good luck, train hard, and try not to feel so frustrated ;)

ok...just meant how do you guys personally handle the situation when a guy is going abu dhabi on you? not that you couldnt beat him or match him? I was struggling with the fact that if i turn it up and started going hard it could get messy and dangerous...I was going like 50 percent and he was going 100 and that is ok, but dam when i catch you in mission control and about to traingle you i get a slam? I was wondering how you guys would handle this situation as i know it will happen again even if it not him........ @ jonathan seems to me like you like taking jabs at people and all the time.....i finshed 2nd at the worlds and first at every other tourney naga,usgrappling etc... i still suck and try to be humble as i can with my shitty ego...but dam jonathan i never see or here you competing or placing in any event? hetzog or what ever good jab also to you....i will go learn to spell and correct my grammar as soon as you go to a tourny and compete instead of making vids and taking jabs... dude when the last time you competed? just saying both of allways take jabs at me look back at all my post .....

Hook the leg? Let go of Mission control? Those would be options. I have guys go hard all the time, it is the nature of the beast. We all have to keep our ego's in check myself included! But, now you're getting butt hurt and attacking our brothers and Affiliate owners who have had the "10Th Planet's back" since the start... Not sure where you're going or what you're trying to accomplish in your attack on Chris...

hahah Oooo shit he just called out zog! I have never competed, whats your point? That has nothing to do with your continuous mutilation of the English language.

my bad zog i aplogize....cant delete post ... Jonathan dam get off other people nuts..lol

What I ALWAYS do is tap out and roll someone else. It works every time, if you don't mind tapping.

It's very clear you have an issue with your ego and you take yourself far too serious. I was busy smashing people internationaly while you were still in diapers. I've been at this 27 years with the injuries and scars to go with it. Closing in on 38, I've earned my retirement. I'm still on the mat rolling 3-4x a week for an hour a shot, you're always welcome to come to roll and get your ass kicked like everyone else,then we'll smoke some bud and we'll laugh about how if helped your ego.

When the ego is involved the sometimes obvious answer escapes us. You can't control the actions of your partner, only your own. If you can't continue to flow and work to get better while he's going "too hard for you", then don't roll with him. You can't allow emotions to dictate your roll, this isn't the dark side of the force.

Damn, that was a nice reply! Closing in LoL! I'm 38 in two days :(

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Originally Posted by robert gero

ok...just meant how do you guys personally handle the situation when a guy is going abu dhabi on you? not that you couldnt beat him or match him? I was struggling with the fact that if i turn it up and started going hard it could get messy and dangerous...I was going like 50 percent and he was going 100 and that is ok, but dam when i catch you in mission control and about to traingle you i get a slam? I was wondering how you guys would handle this situation as i know it will happen again even if it not him........ @ jonathan seems to me like you like taking jabs at people and all the time.....i finshed 2nd at the worlds and first at every other tourney naga,usgrappling etc... i still suck and try to be humble as i can with my shitty ego...but dam jonathan i never see or here you competing or placing in any event? hetzog or what ever good jab also to you....i will go learn to spell and correct my grammar as soon as you go to a tourny and compete instead of making vids and taking jabs... dude when the last time you competed? just saying both of allways take jabs at me look back at all my post .....

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[IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/Kk3X7Hq*pMMmnq25g-Hkr7BH8YFbDgaToaSCDjSclVdsxUG-dCH0zWGWbBJMGalzDyZVAjjXAT1Y-J0vDwcN-nffpKhHPwnU/menacegif.gif[/IMG]

LOL.


Either way, on the subject, I suppose there's two ways to deal with it. One; don't roll with him. Or 2; focus on defeating him with pure technique. I mean, if you can beat him going at 50% using pure technique while he goes 100%, that means you'll be even better when YOU go at 100%. If your ego can't handle it, don't roll with him. If you're focused on getting better, use the opportunity to get better.

I'm a big boy. Some of the guys I roll with are nearly half my weight. I try not to muscle my way into or out of things. And some of the guys I roll with are bigger than me, and even then, I still stick to my plan. I don't muscle things. I want to get things right using proper technique. So when the day comes that I DO roll at 100%, I'll be a monster. In the meantime, I might get tapped by someone who goes harder than I do. But with every tap I get a lesson.

It's all about perspective. In class, you're learning, not competing. Don't treat rolling as competition. Treat it as a laboratory.

Start going 100%. problem fixed. If you don't go 100% and play guard the whole time you are cheating yourself.

Dude your best option is be fucking honest. Approach him and say to him "look I'm here to train not get hurt or hurt people, and you go way too hard to have an enjoyable training session with. Would you like to go softer? If not I will stick to rolling with people who understand the context of our rolling."
The gym is no place for holding your tongue or not speaking your mind.
I also go sometimes with guys that wanna compete in practise and I either start going for painful stuff like toe holds, calf crushes, very tight lockdowns, just remember that you don't have to impress anyone. you don't have to conform to anyone's idea of rolling. If you are not having fun, don't roll with him or let him know. Maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it and would appreciate someone letting him know. You'll probably notice noone else wants to roll with him

To address your question:

My last international competition was in 2006, at the Swiss Sambo Open. Prior to that I had won a silver at the US Sombo Nationals, Silver at the Sombo World Open, and was the #1 rated heavy weight in the US and selected to for the US team for the Sombo world cup in france, but I had to bow out due to ankle injury that later required reconstructive surgery. At the Swiss Sambo Open I took 1st in Combat Sambo, 3rd in Sport Sambo (My only loss came via a 3x world sambo champion, I lost 6-4) and 3rd in Submission Grappling (I injuried my ankle in the semi finals and had to bow out). In those 2 days of competition and fighting I was on the mat fighting for over and hour of actual action, with teams from 26 diffrent countries there. That same year I retired from Judo after taking my 2nd state title. I retired from Judo with 2 state championships, a national title and medals in international competitons as well. My last kickboxing fight was in 2006 when I lost a split dec for the USKBA US National title, about 8 months later my last boxing match was in Golden Gloves where after giving my opponent 2 standing 8 counts in the first round , the ref was forced to stop the bout as I had torn my left bicep off, which required surgery (this was after have my right bicep reconnected 6 months prior). My last submission grappling event was at Grapplers Quest Nationals in 2009 where I took 4th, I seperated my shoulder via a take down early in the day and got subbed (via armbar on the same arm) for the first time in my competitive career, and choose to fight for 3rd anyway and lost due to an advantage becasue I choose to pull guard only to have my opponent run from me the rest of the match.

Hopefully that will satisfy your question and you will allow me to post videos with your consent.

Oh and lighten the fuck up Francis, don't take everything so damn serious. We are all here to learn, AND HAVE FUN!

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Originally Posted by Calan Ownhouse

Dude your best option is be fucking honest. Approach him and say to him "look I'm here to train not get hurt or hurt people, and you go way too hard to have an enjoyable training session with. Would you like to go softer? If not I will stick to rolling with people who understand the context of our rolling."
The gym is no place for holding your tongue or not speaking your mind.
I also go sometimes with guys that wanna compete in practise and I either start going for painful stuff like toe holds, calf crushes, very tight lockdowns, just remember that you don't have to impress anyone. you don't have to conform to anyone's idea of rolling. If you are not having fun, don't roll with him or let him know. Maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it and would appreciate someone letting him know. You'll probably notice noone else wants to roll with him

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+1

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Originally Posted by robert gero

Well long story short we all have ego problems and all and deal with them in different ways...Well we had a guy who been training about 3 years more than me and he got like 40 pounds on me...He is young like 22 or something so i try to understand that he going to go hard and go near 100%...but it like he been warned even banned from our gym then he comes back here and thier.....I guess my main point is how do you deal with things like this when it and average day and your sparring and someone like that is going 100 percent and even like when u go to mission control they try to slam u to get out...you go for de la riva they runny away hard....you still going easy but inside u want to get into a pissing war and go tick for tack with them..? I still took the high road and did my thing at going normal and flowing..he continued to go 110% and treating it like a mma match? i guess my ego is saying dam robert he just treated u like a bitch and why didnt you go tick for tack with him? the other side is saying good job keeping you cool... i fill frustrated that i didnt go tick for tack with him...ego or normal?

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Well first off I do think that your problem is ego. You are worried about what he thinks or what you think others perceptions of the outcome of the match are. When I train at the club I dont keep track of my record, Ego gets left at the door. My problem with guys that go 100% is that they can injure someone, not whether he "gets the better of me". I let my opponent set the pace if I'm the better fighter... I elevate if he elevates.... if he is being a complete bone head... I may even try to tell him that first and explain that Im gonna escalate if he continues because I dont want to get injured myself from a guy who is being spastic on me. If that doesnt work then I ll run a train on him, he can leave my school if he doesnt like it, but myself, my students wont risk injury. There is a saying in Judo, mutual welfare and mutual benefit. A guy trying to injure you in training isnt doing that. If he has been warned at the gym and has come back, my question would be for the owner of the school as that the guy is gonna injure someone. If you are the better fighter and you escalate the pace I doubt he can injure you. Sounds a bit like you cant settle him down or control him, I think youre ego may be hurt because he runs game at you (safely or unsafe).

exactly, just tell him. at the gym where i train, when i first got there thats all they did. every rolling match was 100%. lots of injuries n lots of hurt egos. all i did was start telling everyone o rolled with that i wasnt trying to go hard, just work technique n learn, and now everyone in there is pleasant to roll with, very respectful, and very open minded since every new technique they try doesnt get smashed by some overeager try-hard.

Lighten the fuck up Francis LMFAO!!! Too good!

Heel hook em and get it over with for 6 weeks.

well the guy is good i am not taking that away from him..I simple meant that not just him in general ,but how do deal with it each time. Well the scenario was are instructor was having us rotate with each other and it was my turn with him...I was going like 30 percent and he was going 100 ...Like many of you said that i should stated from the begging about how i wanted to roll. As you know you can say hey lets take it light or flow and the guy says ok ...then he goes abu dhabi on u ....i wanted to do the same as fuck this dude was trying to tap me like he was facing marcelo himself.. over and over... I guess I was ok in a way with it until mission control and he picks me up and slams to get out of a trianlge that was coming....I know every person rolls different and all but dam slams from guard? I still kept my kewl and all , but I was like dam that sucked...I was like ego 1 robert 0 bc i kept my kewl but felt like shit bc i didnt go abi dhabi on him and little brock..lol

Let him tap you, if you are going 30 and he is going 100 he should be able to tap you. I let people pass my guard all day and tap when they go all crazy, Gerald usually keeps that in check so it doesn't happen often but you have to be able to let people tap you if they are going hard and you don't want to.

mike good point..simple and point blank...

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Originally Posted by robert gero

well the guy is good i am not taking that away from him..I simple meant that not just him in general ,but how do deal with it each time. Well the scenario was are instructor was having us rotate with each other and it was my turn with him...I was going like 30 percent and he was going 100 ...Like many of you said that i should stated from the begging about how i wanted to roll. As you know you can say hey lets take it light or flow and the guy says ok ...then he goes abu dhabi on u ....i wanted to do the same as fuck this dude was trying to tap me like he was facing marcelo himself.. over and over... I guess I was ok in a way with it until mission control and he picks me up and slams to get out of a trianlge that was coming....I know every person rolls different and all but dam slams from guard? I still kept my kewl and all , but I was like dam that sucked...I was like ego 1 robert 0 bc i kept my kewl but felt like shit bc i didnt go abi dhabi on him and little brock..lol

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You could let him tap you, but I dont think its an ego thing to put someone in check who is being malicious. I ve had guys try to slam me repeatedly to break my guard and I put stuff on them a little harder than normal. If a guy is doing that I dont see it as ego, I see it as self preservation. He is being malicious and attempting to hurt you, thats not about going 100% or 30%, at that point I think its a safety issue and if its him or me ... its gonna be him. At my school if I have a guy being a meat head and he wont stop he gets to roll the best guys who will put him in his place. He will conform or leave and either is good, you either get a good student/training partner or you weed out an unsafe one. If he does it to you he will be doing it to others. At least if he is going good guys the chances of him hurting someone deminish. The question I think you have to ask yourself when it comes to ego is your intention, are you gonna go shit house crazy back because you hate to lose... or so you dont get injured. I have been injured before by flaylers. Ive had a tooth knocked out etc... and we werent striking. getting caught doesnt bug me but a student that attacks in an unfriendly manner is bad for the school. Slamming guys is illegal in tournaments both BJJ and Judo for a reason.

Love the wisdom of the Zog!!!


I'll also add that one thing I like to do -- depending on how I'm feeling for the day or what my goals are for the roll -- if a guy is going all abu dhabi on me: I just play super-tight defense and stall him out for a few minutes. Almost invariably, they get frustrated as hell and start holding their breath and panting and grunting as they try harder and harder to force that something that JUST WON'T GO... ...then after they're exhausted and panting I start working whatever MY goals are. :) This way, they also learn a lesson about going all Beast Ozinga without me risking their knee in a moment of unbridled passion.

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Originally Posted by Mike Dewitt Jr

Let him tap you

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Originally Posted by Stewart Landry

You could let him tap you

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Ask him not to slam you out of guard because you don't want to get injured. Some people really just don't know NOT to slam out of triangles and/or mission control if it's not an MMA match. Also, it's really okay to tap man. Tap, reset the roll, and go at it again. Tapping often > getting injured. Think about the long term. It's much easier to get your purple, brown, black belt if you're not injured often. Just my dos centavos.

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Originally Posted by Jason Hyatt

Love the wisdom of the Zog!!!


I'll also add that one thing I like to do -- depending on how I'm feeling for the day or what my goals are for the roll -- if a guy is going all abu dhabi on me: I just play super-tight defense and stall him out for a few minutes. Almost invariably, they get frustrated as hell and start holding their breath and panting and grunting as they try harder and harder to force that something that JUST WON'T GO... ...then after they're exhausted and panting I start working whatever MY goals are. :) This way, they also learn a lesson about going all Beast Ozinga without me risking their knee in a moment of unbridled passion.

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+1 Shellup and frame like a mutha fucka. Let him freakout while you're in your a state of zen. Then him catch slipp'n. If you ae truly better then you will find a window and capitalize.

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Originally Posted by Jason Hyatt

Love the wisdom of the Zog!!!


I'll also add that one thing I like to do -- depending on how I'm feeling for the day or what my goals are for the roll -- if a guy is going all abu dhabi on me: I just play super-tight defense and stall him out for a few minutes. Almost invariably, they get frustrated as hell and start holding their breath and panting and grunting as they try harder and harder to force that something that JUST WON'T GO... ...then after they're exhausted and panting I start working whatever MY goals are. :) This way, they also learn a lesson about going all Beast Ozinga without me risking their knee in a moment of unbridled passion.

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Agreed. I also like the shell up and let him burn himself out idea as well. Guys like that still have to be checked though or others who arent better than him ie. other beginner could get injured. I think the steps are tell him first, followed by the shell up and gas. If that doesnt work match or better his pace so you dont get hurt and he gets another type of lesson. If all that doesnt work the guy probably shouldnt be training with you,he's unsafe. Just tapping gives him a false sense of skills too and he isnt learning anything from that either. He thinks he can pull off stuff he cant (which within reason if fine if he is a meat head), but it may be that he doesnt understand club dynamics of rolling. But again back to your original post about it being ego, just ask yourself the reason that you are doing what you are doing, is it safety, self preservation or because you hate getting tapped ....

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Originally Posted by robert gero

well the guy is good i am not taking that away from him..I simple meant that not just him in general ,but how do deal with it each time. Well the scenario was are instructor was having us rotate with each other and it was my turn with him...I was going like 30 percent and he was going 100 ...Like many of you said that i should stated from the begging about how i wanted to roll. As you know you can say hey lets take it light or flow and the guy says ok ...then he goes abu dhabi on u ....i wanted to do the same as fuck this dude was trying to tap me like he was facing marcelo himself.. over and over... I guess I was ok in a way with it until mission control and he picks me up and slams to get out of a trianlge that was coming....I know every person rolls different and all but dam slams from guard? I still kept my kewl and all , but I was like dam that sucked...I was like ego 1 robert 0 bc i kept my kewl but felt like shit bc i didnt go abi dhabi on him and little brock..lol

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Oh he's slamming? That'a no no in my school. Coach will tell you quickly and politely, don't pick anyone up....and forget about slamming.

If I were you, I'd talk to him first and school him on fighter safety. If he doesn't listen, talk to the coach. If nothing gets done, teach him a lesson. Nothing like some sore joints to slow a guy down.