Best drinking stories thread GO!
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Best drinking stories thread GO!
*waits for Don*
I drank myself sober one year at OktoberFest, but I'm not sure if that's really something to brag about, cause that hangover sucked....
Worst hangover of my life was in Munich...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Stratton
One evening in Inglewood I drank a bottle of 151. I was bored and shit faced so I tried to call up my buddy Paul at his dorm room. The fact that he had gone back home for the week had totally escaped by inebriated brain and his roommate answered.
His roommate was verbally short, dismissive, and overall rude as if my call was sheer annoyance. So, being the drunk annoyance that I was I called him back. I simply told him that there was no need to be rude. If Paul was gone, he would just have to tell me and that would be the end of the call but now he was rude and I was wondering what his issue was. At this point he informed me that his issue was with his dumb roommates dumb friends calling him at odd hours of the night to find out where his roommate was.
I remember losing it and going off on a tirade about how old he was, because he was too young to answer the phone like a crabby old man who needed an early nap. Again, I reiterated that all had to say was to ask that I leave him alone and it would be the end of it, but the dude always had to put a verbal insult towards me or Paul rather than just asking me to shut up.
He then informed me that he would kick my ass on site, at which point I asked for his room number and told him that I would be there post haste to kick his ass. Being drunk, I totally didn't realize how fucking far away I was from the college campus, shit seems closer in a car. Hammered on rum, I walked over 10 miles to make it to campus only to forget the douche bags dorm number.
Failed and defeated I wandered around campus asking for the where abouts of Paul's room. I was tired, sloppy, and sore... so I just walked over to a bush and fell into it planning to stay there for the night. I don't know if you've ever fallen into a bush before but sometimes the central root of the plant can spear you when you fall on it. I got lucky, it was all soft foliage. Then I heard a voice calling my name.
I looked up and my co-worker at school, Nate, was staring over me asking me what the hell I was doing. I asked him about Paul's room but he had no idea what was going on. He offered a spot in his roommate's bed (he was gone for the week) and I took him up on it. Unfortunately though, everybody had forgotten their pass cards for the dormitory. Bored, drunk and outside.. I began playing bowling with my body... running into random objects just for the sheer amusement of the cute girls standing around outside. Security showed up, asked me stop, and then let us in.
While heading up to the room, we ran into a buddy of mine, named Aaron. Aaron was fixated on rich douche bags that parked on the pedestrian walkway between the two dorms. Coincidently, Aaron hat a paintball gun ready to go, he wanted to unload on the walkway, plastering the truck with a glossy watery coat of paint. So we snuck up to the roof and waited... we waited for the guy who owned the truck to approach it. Then, Aaron popped up from cover and just unloaded that fucking thing onto that truck... thuck thuck thuck thuck thuck thuck.... girls were screaming, douche bags were hitting the floor "what the fuck?".
We scampered like cowards back into the dorm, ditching the gun and meeting back up at another friends room. We then had a box of Franzia that wasn't obeying the laws of gravity. So I tore the foil bag out of the box (they're made of plastic now) and began to syphon squeeze the remaining wine into my mouth while trying to hum bag pipe songs. The result was a gargly spitting choking sounds which resulted in several red wine stains all over the carpet.... fast foward past playing dodge ball with the leaky wine bag in the hall ways... and security is asking for me by the name of "AJ". Thankfully my student ID had my mother given christian name and I was in the clear.
Finally, time for bed. So we head toward Nate's room and he pauses, "My light wasn't off. Let me check this out." He goes into his room and comes back out with a smirk on his face. "Dude, there's people fucking on my bed."
With the obvious question I ask if his roommate had come back but no, "I don't know who these fuckers are."
With an air of self justification I declare, "That shit isn't right!" I push past him, shove open the door, flick on the light, raging into the room with my leaky wine bag in hand.... there by the bed was a naked black dude with his head down and next to him on the bed knelt a tiny thin naked asian girl trying to cover her face with their fuck sheets.
I slap the wine bag into his junk, buckling him a few inches forward. I slap him on the back and say, "Well done dude, but you got to leave." Then I jump up onto the bed and proceed to hop in circles around the naked asian girl while yelling, "TWAT! TWAT! TWAT! TWAT! TWAT! TWAT! TWAT!"
By this time a crowd had formed by the doorway, everybody was dying laughing and the two break-in love birds snuck into the neighboring room to get dressed and ditch out. I woke up on the floor. Nobody wanted to sleep in their bed.
Most of those details were told to me by Nate, and Paul complaining about his roommates side of the story. The rest of my memory sort of recalled and filled in the blanks. I don't think I've had 151 since.
I don't think anyone else has posted because I think you won....
AJ's epic mustache in his avatar sort of puts him in an "automatic win everytime" position in my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Stratton
40 Year Old Virgin's drinking story is good regardless =D. What's gross is I think there are some nasty motherf@<+#r$ on here who would still hook up with that chick after what she does at 0:17.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lqc_...eature=related
(too many to list)
I literally made this thread with you in mind Kendell...then you hit me with this shit...weak.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kendell Madden
Oh really? hahaha Well lets see...Quote:
Originally Posted by Cody Kietzman
Should I talk about the time I got my boss to make out with a Thai Tranny, or bringing home a girl who pee'd in my bed?
Maybe when I carried around two girls in waist high water having sex while thousands of people were around?
Wearing stilts that made me 10' tall and walked around Bourbon St and Voodoo fest?
Having a drunk girl want to HAVE (yes...in that way) Clark T. Rex?
Getting drunk with Renato on a boat, night after night?
Getting an ENTIRE squad of police to pull me and my buds over, weapons drawn and ready to fire...because we waved at someone?
Choking out 2 security guards while dressed like Will Ferrell- More Cowbell skit...after winning a costume contest?
I could go on for days...
Can you start with that one? lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Kendell Madden
HAHA! Ok.Quote:
Originally Posted by Max P.
So- I'm about 16 years old, its a friday night and I'm supposed to be back home by Midnight.
Few of us decide, "This night isn't ova! Let's go crazy!" And drink like 4 beers each (MORE than enough at that point to RIIIIP us up)
I go home at midnight, go to my room and sneak out. A stupid easy task when your stepmom is a drunk whore and your dad snores like a chainsaw.
My friends, strategically parked about 100 yards from my house (WIIIITH their lights off...like a set of true thugs)
I ran to the car and we were OFF! Nothing better than a Subaru full of white kids trying to be sneaky.
We turn out of the neighborhood and head off to cause a HEAP full of trouble.
While heading up the hill- we see a squad of police cars SCREAMING down the hill in our direction.
What we did next, I still to this day, have no idea why we did it.
We turn BACK into the neighborhood toward my house again- to see where the cops were going. I was so confused on why we were doing this... but my friend was driving, so eh!
We get to the top of the street where I lived, then see- YES, the cops WERE in fact coming to that area!
"Turn around man, I don't like this" I proclaimed. To which my friend agreed. We made a quick turn down another street, to make a U-Turn.
Quickly, we were blocked by a cop car at the front of the car. But he slowly went by- staring at us like that scene from Super Troopers (when they pull the kids over in the opening scene, then pull away slowly)
I start asking my friends "Okay fuckers, what the HELL did you do?!" to which they replied "NOTHING MAN! NOTHING!"
We slowly crept by the police car, guaranteed to have pure shocked looks on our face as the cop stared at us.
We turn away from the direction of my house and get another block, or so away. We stop at the corner, taking note that there are about 4 squad cars behind us. We turn left, and immediately the lights turn on and cars start coming outta EVERYWHERE. One blocks off the front of the car, one to the left and no less than 5 behind us.
"SERIOUSLY FUCKERS!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!" I was literally screaming and hitting the other 3 in the car.
"DUDE! We didn't do anything! Kyle waved at your neighbor sitting in his garage!" the driver said.
"Man, they wouldn't be pulling us over like this if you didn't do SOMETHING!" I said.
"Promise bro! Your neighbor was hiding behind his car staring at us, so I just waved at him!" Kyle said.
"PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE CEILING OF THE VEHICLE" the Cops said to us over the bullhorn.
"WHAT THE FUUUUCK!!!" I keep saying over and over.
Obviously we all put our hands up, but the stupid driver keeps trying to get his registration from the glove box after the cops made their statement. "Driver! Put your hands up or we will will be forced to open fire"
"God damn it Joe! Fuck the registration! Put your hands up!"
I'm fairly certain I pee'd my pants when they demanded the driver to get out of the car, because of the look on his face.
He gets out (I'm sitting directly behind him) and turns around and immediately starts crying as he goes ghost white.
They walk him to the back of the car and pat him down. Next its me, then the other two.
I had NO idea what my buddies really did, but I kept saying "I'm sorry! I don't know what they did!"
They take each one of us, ask us what we were doing in the neighborhood and search the car.
Apparently- the fuck in the garage saw a bunch of GANGSTAS breaking into (oh whoops, he meant OUT) of my house.
He also decided to tell the cops that we HAD A GUN AND WAIVED IT AT HIM WHILE SHOOTING IT IN THE AIR!
WTF?! is right. They talked to us for a lil while, obviously noting that we had NO gun(s), saw my ID that had my home address on it, then after about 30 mins...said we could go. No call to the parents, No note to the fact that we all had a few drinks in us...no "sorry", no nothing.
The ensuing 2 beers were something I'd never forget, mostly cause the smell from all of us shitting our pants made them taste horrible.
Oh beer- how you nearly got me killed for the lamest reason ever.
read "I hope they serve beer in hell"
/thread
firstly, i would have matrix dodged that sick, so i would be totally clean. secondly, its her car, so she can clean that shit in the morning. thirdly, id make her brush her teeth and down a glass of mouthwash, then its hit it :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Enrique "Kiko"
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Kendell Madden
@Kendell: Epic story
@Karim: Eweee lol, but hey I understand brother. Do your thing. Still though. Eweee.
uggghhhh...I hate typing this much. I'm a horrible writer. I need someone to be my ghost writer...Quote:
Originally Posted by Karim Graham
Ewee indeed, but its not like i would tell anyone about it ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Enrique "Kiko"
Hmm, do one a day?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kendell Madden