Gonna try and cover it all in one swoop here.
Brent, it's a trap. He'll pull out and money shot yo ass. Then while you're trying to salvage his seed from your cornea you realize that you don't even have ovaries then you just feel dirty.
Chris, Eddie's not even that fucked up to conjure such a creature. I'm pretty sure his mother was a Russian circus bear that was immaculately conceived.
Kyle, Jordan ain't got the lung capacity to hang with Zog and instead of leaping from the earth he smashes you in the head with it.
And he tolerates me and Scotty. This means he should not be trusted.