Serious Situation... NO JOKE Need Advice

[Moises "Mo" Montalvo]

Ok, a few weeks ago a kid showed up to our grappling class and signed up. He is 24 years old and at first I thought he was just socially awkward, but after tonight I just don't know what to do. Back story, this kid pulled me aside and asked me to personally train him, that he's not afraid of hard work and that he wants to get in shape. Tonight, we had a viewing party at our new gym for UFC 157 and that's when shit got weird. He was pacing back and forth all night, wasn't really watching the fights, was mumbling to himself making odd facial expressions and really awkward arm gestures, he didn't even know the fights were over when we started closing up. I had a couple of people, including my wife, say that they aren't comfortable with him training with us anymore. So here's my dilemma, this guy is BIG. Like 6' 200lbs ish'. I feel like training him is like handing a loaded gun to a little kid. My wife is ex-army, not much scares her and this dude makes her uncomfortable. Bottom line is that he has to go, but how do I break it to him? I have never had to ask someone to leave a class. My wife is concerned about his reaction when asked to leave. HELP! I was an Army Sergeant for a while and I CAN be tough if need be, but I have no experience with this sort of thing.

[Matt "Gumby" Glach]

If he's a lot bigger than your guys you could tell him it's because he's too big for the class. Just a thought. Otherwise, I think candor is the best thing when asking someone to leave, but have friends with you for that conversation just in case, ya know.

[Moises "Mo" Montalvo]

If he's a lot bigger than your guys you could tell him it's because he's too big for the class. Just a thought. Otherwise, I think candor is the best thing when asking someone to leave, but have friends with you for that conversation just in case, ya know.

My wife and I were talking and we're not sure that he'll understand why we're asking him to leave. I've got contact information for his parents and I'm thinking about contacting them first.

[Matt "Gumby" Glach]

You could approach it by asking him if everything is alright because he seemed awkward/on edge at the UFC party? And then you'll have an opening to say "we just cant have that here" or something along those lines.

[Slick Rick]

I almost wanna say he has some form of autism. Not really digging the social aspect of things but would just zone out on Jiu jitsu, if given the chance. Don't cut him out just yet, he's probably a nice guy but socially isn't able to hang. That's okay.
Now if he looked liked he wanted to kill everyone, that's different, but you describe a person who is mildly autistic, and needs special attention.

[Nathan K.]

Since you have his parent's contact information, that's a definite option. But have you tried talking to him about the awkward behavior? It's quite possible that he might have some type of neurological condition. In any case, you shouldn't just kick him out without first confronting him with the problem. I don't think lying will help the matter, and a simple "Good luck, but you gotta go" is a little cruel. I'd hate to see an otherwise good kid shunned because of a misunderstanding.

Of course, I wasn't there to experience the reality of the situation, so I can't fully offer a solution. It really has to be your call. I don't think that the answers you'll find here will rival your own judgement.

[miketubbs]

from info given. I would call up the parents, ask for their feedback on him since coming. Is there anything you should be aware of? bring up the UFC night.

Like others said, he may be autistic and can't handle the social aspect, hence wanting to train private. He may not feel comfortable telling people he has some issues. good luck

[Kyle Spalla]

He might just have serious social anxiety. I had it real bad when I returned from deployment (Marine Sergeant), some people just can't handle crowds and it overloads their heads. Probably why he was coming to you directly for lessons, maybe he is aware of his condition and doesn't want to expose it to others for fear of judgement from others. If it flat out violent or sporadic and he isn't making sense it could be autism. Check his patterns, stick with privates then try semi privates and eventually socially introduce him to the larger classes. Martial arts is a great for people to overcome this kind of anxiety because it is a positive environment for him to grow. If its chemical there isn't much he can do, I would discus it with his parents and see where you can go from there. I would not just directly outcast him. He probably would benefit from being at your school, problems or not.

[happyjourney]

you reserve a right to refuse service to anyone. Especially if your business is on your private property. Some state and local laws may interfere to a degree with that and open you up to litigation if you make clear you are discriminating on the basis of sex, race, political and religious affiliation, but above all you have the responsibility to your customers to provide your service in a safe environment. If this guy is giving you bad vibes thats a warning sign you need to take heed of before your suspicions are regretfully confirmed. The way you worded the thing so far it sounds like you know you need to get rid of him but your not sure about how to do it tactfully and without legal ramifications. You might wanna run a background check before you go trying to put him out so you can get an idea of if he has had a history of violent encounters or what. Alot of people are on these antidepressants these days that are turning em psycho so you never know what your dealing with. Going the parent route might be your best bet if he's living with them if not they might be able to tell you if he's on meds or has a history of mental issues or something. He is legally an adult though and you might not be able to trust anything they say because they could be the reason he's all messed up though cause not everybodys parents are the Bradys. if you don't hit them up your gonna have to man up and tell him the truth basically, he's distracted and obviously emotionally troubled and you don't need that in your dojang. Have some backup close by when you do. preferably some cool heads that know how to act nonchalant in the background holding you down ready to neutralize the situation. You can definitely go the parents route to and that might head things off at the pass.

[Brandon Woolsey]

I almost wanna say he has some form of autism. Not really digging the social aspect of things but would just zone out on Jiu jitsu, if given the chance. Don't cut him out just yet, he's probably a nice guy but socially isn't able to hang. That's okay.
Now if he looked liked he wanted to kill everyone, that's different, but you describe a person who is mildly autistic, and needs special attention.

I agree with slick on this. Really sounds like a social disorder. I would def try and talk to the parents and see what's up. With the info they give you I would make a decision on if you can/should train him or not.