Sam ask me how do I keep Cora so motivated in JJ. I hope he doesn't mind me posting it on here as I think that other parents might want to know also. I guess the only way to answer this question is for me to tell our story. You see as a refugee growing up without a dad it was tough for me. I always wonder what I would have been like with a man guiding me from childhood to manhood, but that wasn't possible as my dad died during the war. Luckily I surrounded myself with good friends of like minded. I always knew that when I have kids, I want to always be there for them. So when it was time to find a sport for Cora to do. I want one that she can possibly do it for a long time and one that is beneficial at all level. So we looked into karate, but that didn't pan out. Being a UFC / MMA fan, we search online and came up with BJJ. After I took Cora to her very 1st class, on the way home she wrote me a note saying "daddy, I LOVE this". That was the beginning of it all. She love being there learning new things, she love the new friends, she love the atmosphere. But the road wasn't always smooth. There were times that the frustration level was unbearable. Her focus wasn't there. I didn't know anything about the sport other than what I've seen on Youtube and TV. She just wasn't understanding the fighting game. She was scared to spar, hiding behind kids when they line up to spar. And when she does spar, she just lay there like a practice dummy. It make me question her interest. THen one day, we sat and talk. I told her its ok to quit, she said NO. I told her its really OK to QUIT and I won't be mad. She said NO. THen I say if you want to do this, lets do it the right way. Lets make a plan to get better because the FUN really start when you start to get better and start beating other kids...
Well we made our hit list. Of all the kids that have ever beaten her, we put them on a list according to the belt ranking. Each kid has a point value. White belts are 1 pts, yellow are 2 pts, yellow/orange are 3 pts, orange is 4 pts. All these points will add up to prizes like going to the movie (10pts), so now she has to train hard, stay focus and beat a few kids to be able to go to the movies. She like shopping (what girl doesn't?) so shopping is $1 = 1 pt, depending on what she wants to buy, she has to collect that many points. So again she has to train hard, stay focus in class. This reward system works for us. Little by little she starts tapping out white belts, then yellow, then orange. Then when she are able to tap all the kids out, I take away that system. By then she realized that I will be broke if we keep this bounty system as she is tapping out everyone on a consistance base. Also by this time she is self dedicated and more focused. By this time, her learning curve has improved tremendously. By this time, we start talking about competing in tournament.
So another level to her journy just started. Now we make a new hit list for all the kids that has ever beaten her. She always avenge her lost because of our hit list. When she get beat by a boy, we would correct what went wrong and add a few more skill to her arsenal. So when they meet again, its payback. This challenge has become fun for her. THat is why she never cries after losing, because she knows that she will get them back.. Our goal for each tournament is to find a kid that can beat her so we can learn from it. Those boys actually help make her a better fighter, so with this in mind, she take losing very well. Also this girl love to travel and see new sights and people, with competition she is able to do just that. So in order to do that often, she has to practice hard, get better so she can travel to compete.
Fear: fear is HUGE for kids. Some doesn't compete because they are afraid of getting hurt. Some never been hurt before or even feel what pain is that is why they have fear. For Cora, she's been banged up many times at the gym so she is used to it. Those boys don't take it easy on her because she's a girl. Actually they go even harder on her because she is a girl and don't want her to embarrass them infront of their parents. So I always tell Cora, I will teach her how to defend herself first before I teach her how to attack. If she is able to withstand all the boy's attack, what can they do to her??? NOTHING... if she can escape all the submission they can throw at her..what can they do to her at the competition..NOTHING. So with that, the fear is gone. Now the fun begins. However, I am not good with teaching her how to collect points, so when she lose, its only by points. A kid pass her guard here and there. Once the fear factor is gone or decrease, she enjoy sparring more and volunteer more often and the fun really start.
Praises: Oh that goes a long way in motivating a kid. And it doesn't come from me, she brush off praise I give her. But when a stranger give her praises, its like Xmas all over again. She is so pumped up to train. This is why I always show her everything yall say about her. Every little bit of praises works wonders.
Other kids: I search all over the net to find other kids that are doing big thing in the sport to let her know the next level. Once she see how good the other kids are, she will have a better understanding of this sport and have a better competition spirit. I use that in my training.
Most importantly: I make her know that the bottom line is I'm trying to prepare her for the future, a future without me. I told her I can't always be around to take care of her. But right now I will do everything I can to prepare her. The world we live in is full of uncertainty. I don't want her to be anyone's victim, not to strangers, not to boyfriends, and not to husband. As a father, this is my worst fear. So to minimize this chance, I am preparing her right now. This alone is the motivation that she needs because self perservation is HUGE. Also this bonds us together more because we spend so much time together, our father/daughter time. But don't get me wrong, its not always about training hard. We goof around while rolling and I would steal my hugs and kisses as we roll..LOL
THis is just our story...if you find some part that will help you and your kids, then great.... Bruce
Well we made our hit list. Of all the kids that have ever beaten her, we put them on a list according to the belt ranking. Each kid has a point value. White belts are 1 pts, yellow are 2 pts, yellow/orange are 3 pts, orange is 4 pts. All these points will add up to prizes like going to the movie (10pts), so now she has to train hard, stay focus and beat a few kids to be able to go to the movies. She like shopping (what girl doesn't?) so shopping is $1 = 1 pt, depending on what she wants to buy, she has to collect that many points. So again she has to train hard, stay focus in class. This reward system works for us. Little by little she starts tapping out white belts, then yellow, then orange. Then when she are able to tap all the kids out, I take away that system. By then she realized that I will be broke if we keep this bounty system as she is tapping out everyone on a consistance base. Also by this time she is self dedicated and more focused. By this time, her learning curve has improved tremendously. By this time, we start talking about competing in tournament.
So another level to her journy just started. Now we make a new hit list for all the kids that has ever beaten her. She always avenge her lost because of our hit list. When she get beat by a boy, we would correct what went wrong and add a few more skill to her arsenal. So when they meet again, its payback. This challenge has become fun for her. THat is why she never cries after losing, because she knows that she will get them back..
Our goal for each tournament is to find a kid that can beat her so we can learn from it. Those boys actually help make her a better fighter, so with this in mind, she take losing very well. Also this girl love to travel and see new sights and people, with competition she is able to do just that. So in order to do that often, she has to practice hard, get better so she can travel to compete. Fear: fear is HUGE for kids. Some doesn't compete because they are afraid of getting hurt. Some never been hurt before or even feel what pain is that is why they have fear. For Cora, she's been banged up many times at the gym so she is used to it. Those boys don't take it easy on her because she's a girl. Actually they go even harder on her because she is a girl and don't want her to embarrass them infront of their parents. So I always tell Cora, I will teach her how to defend herself first before I teach her how to attack. If she is able to withstand all the boy's attack, what can they do to her??? NOTHING... if she can escape all the submission they can throw at her..what can they do to her at the competition..NOTHING. So with that, the fear is gone. Now the fun begins. However, I am not good with teaching her how to collect points, so when she lose, its only by points. A kid pass her guard here and there. Once the fear factor is gone or decrease, she enjoy sparring more and volunteer more often and the fun really start.
Praises: Oh that goes a long way in motivating a kid. And it doesn't come from me, she brush off praise I give her. But when a stranger give her praises, its like Xmas all over again. She is so pumped up to train. This is why I always show her everything yall say about her. Every little bit of praises works wonders.
Other kids: I search all over the net to find other kids that are doing big thing in the sport to let her know the next level. Once she see how good the other kids are, she will have a better understanding of this sport and have a better competition spirit. I use that in my training.
Most importantly: I make her know that the bottom line is I'm trying to prepare her for the future, a future without me. I told her I can't always be around to take care of her. But right now I will do everything I can to prepare her. The world we live in is full of uncertainty. I don't want her to be anyone's victim, not to strangers, not to boyfriends, and not to husband. As a father, this is my worst fear. So to minimize this chance, I am preparing her right now. This alone is the motivation that she needs because self perservation is HUGE. Also this bonds us together more because we spend so much time together, our father/daughter time. But don't get me wrong, its not always about training hard. We goof around while rolling and I would steal my hugs and kisses as we roll..LOL
THis is just our story...if you find some part that will help you and your kids, then great....
Bruce
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Originally Posted by Cora Sek
