My experience thus far, which is only 4 months, goes like this:
When I signed up for this I was expecting to increase my fitness level, flexibility, and ability to defend myself if need be. I feel like I am well on my way to achieving these goals, but that's not what's hooked me. Honestly- I can get the first two out of distance running which comes much easier. I have years of experience restraining psychotics to take care of the third. What got me to buy into all of this is the impact it has had on my students, my daughter, and my confidence/ self-consiousness.
I work with high school kids with "emotional disabilities." While a few of them are organically mentally ill, most are a product of their environment. Someone, usually and adult who was supposed to love them, did some messed up shit instead.
An Aside: I can add that Jiu Jitsu is therapy several times a week for me. I have seen and read things I don't tell anyone about because I wish I didn't know. Fighting for an hour or few takes the edge off of that pretty fast.
At first I didn't tell my students what I was up to, but they started worrying that I was the victim of domestic violence when I came in with new injuries every few days, so I eventually came clean. I was worried that they would want to try me if they knew I felt like I could fight. What happened in reality is that my girls, who are comprised of shy, withdrawn, submissive, cutters with eating disorders are fascinated with the idea of becoming strong- that as a woman it is possible to learn how to kick ass and take names and not let bad shit ever happen to them again. Most of my guys have only experienced women who don't leave when they should and are totally dependent on a guy to provide for them. They are proud of me. They describe me as "You know, Misses ______(teacher name- they will google me so I never put my name in posts.) that takes fighting classes. Don't mess with her!" I wish I didn't have to be considered a fighter to earn their respect- but it's a foot in the door with these guys. Maybe I can keep them from repeating the pattern- time will tell. I get to be a role model to my students which feels fantastic! Even better, I get to be a role model to my seven year old daughter.
Zoe is in the kid's class. She beams when she takes me down or can sink her choke just right and make me tap. Jiu Jitsu has increased her confidence. Like her mom she is dyslexic. She gets really frustrated with writing and spelling and she gets stuck comparing herself to other kids. When this brings her down I say, "Yeah she/he may be able to spell "teacher" but I'll bet they don't know Jiu Jitsu. Jiu Jitsu if really hard and you have to be smart to learn that!" It's an immediate cheer-up for her. Anything that can make that little girl feel good about herself is priceless to me. She is usually the only girl in her class too. I love that she doesn't even notice that fact.
I do notice that fact. I am fortunate that I had a boyfriend to stroll in with, but it is still intimidating. I have come to realize that the awkwardness that I feel is primarily in my head. I've had to do a lot of thinking about my identity in terms of gender equality.... I'm not sure that even makes sense so it goes like this: I would/will tell you that men and women are equal and should be treated equally. If I really think that's true- why am I scared to walk into a group of guys? Hmmmm.... not a reality I enjoyed looking at, but it needs addressing. It is not comfortable- but worthwhile personal growth never is.
So that's kind of it with me. I tutor HS English so if you need anyone to proof read for you let me know.
Good Luck!
I appreciate all your guys/gals time. If it isn't a complete bombshell I will repost it on here and let the community rip it apart later.
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Aaron Gustaveson
