Eddie is pretty much the one that showed me to just get your shit out there and off of your chest. Had to send a similar message like this to my bjj instructor on why I cant train anymore. Everywhere I go I have someone popping up saying not to trust me. I know they are just looking out for each other even if they are dicks on the regular, it my own fault.
So long story short. A "friend" offered me pain killers when I was at a low self destructive time in my life. Around 2009 or 2010. Its a party drug at first until it really gets in your system then it changes into the classic opiate type of addiction. Got experimental, cuz thats how I am, and went a bit crazy after mixing with numerous other substances. Never been good at being a normal human that could make it through school and get a decent life job, so that turns into going on a drug crazed rampage stealing shit and riding around with people that rip people off all the time. I can barely remember half the stuff I did because of mixing xanax with other drugs, but people definetily started saying I was doing twice as much dirt than I actually did. Cant blame them when the nice guy they know does a bunch of crazy stuff they never thought wouldve happened. Since then have been questioned at different martial arts schools the first couple days Im in there about criminal history stuff. The problem is that there is too much fear when questioned by people that you dont know and havnt built up enough trust with you yet. I was just hoping I could train and go about my own business, but that is impossible when already making people suspicious first time you meet them. Then they tell everyone around to be suspicious of you. Never felt like I could be totally truthful with gym owners questioning me because of fear of the unknown. Best thing you can do is just leave when you're questioned about things because they wont trust you anymore after that unless you have a lot of money or success going for you, which I dont/didnt because I suck at normal life things. After years of being given the surprise cold shoulder, judgement, and condemnation it destroys your hearts ability to open up properly. Just causing anxiety and problems for people all the time that all of a sudden here you did things that seem like you would never do. They fee like you tried to pull a fast one on you and then you become less than human in their eyes and cant be trusted. After years of the same rejections from family and friends happening over and over I can finally talk about it without the fear of being attacked or arrested or whatever it was that made the truth so hard to get out. Before the opiates I was the one wondering why anyone would ever do opiates of any kind, steal, or hurt people in any way. I think my joking about peoples issues is why I ended up living through it. I wasnt able to understand the other side of being a fuck up. Pretty sure I cant train under anyone that hasnt been through similar issues without them and the other people being in anxiety of some sort most of the time.
If anybody runs into this issue in the future when the opiate epidemic hits after all these top rappers talking about how great opiates are to people, just remember to build enough trust before going after the truth or it just feels like an interrogation and you're most likely not gonna get the full truth.
If you mix opiates with amphetamines and other drugs you will most likely crazy on some level. If a friend offers you opiates than they are not your friend unless they just dont know any better and are in that beginning party phase of opiate use. They are most likely gonna be your future drug dealer. People on opiates are gonna make a wrong decision sooner or later. It messes up your decision making and you never know which decision is gonna be the stupid one to start a long string of bad decisions. People can get their virtue back after addiction craziness but they have to really want it. The drugs will down grade your thought processes until you do the hard work of getting back to normal. One reason why many never are able to quit opiates.
Been spreading out in martial arts social media in every direction so I hope my interactions with 10p didnt seem like part of any type of agenda. I think thats all of it. If I have to quit jiu jitsu so my heart can move forward than so be it. Ive been through a lot of crazy mystical type stuff that most wouldnt believe unless theyve also been through it so that is a big reason why I had to clear my heart space. I can feel anger and resentment through the internet at times. All I can do is try to warn people of the dangers of opiates and help people get their virtue back after falling. Maybe one day Ill be balling enough to not be the "struggling to pay his monthly fee guy" and not make people around me nervous anymore.
So long story short. A "friend" offered me pain killers when I was at a low self destructive time in my life. Around 2009 or 2010. Its a party drug at first until it really gets in your system then it changes into the classic opiate type of addiction. Got experimental, cuz thats how I am, and went a bit crazy after mixing with numerous other substances. Never been good at being a normal human that could make it through school and get a decent life job, so that turns into going on a drug crazed rampage stealing shit and riding around with people that rip people off all the time. I can barely remember half the stuff I did because of mixing xanax with other drugs, but people definetily started saying I was doing twice as much dirt than I actually did. Cant blame them when the nice guy they know does a bunch of crazy stuff they never thought wouldve happened. Since then have been questioned at different martial arts schools the first couple days Im in there about criminal history stuff. The problem is that there is too much fear when questioned by people that you dont know and havnt built up enough trust with you yet. I was just hoping I could train and go about my own business, but that is impossible when already making people suspicious first time you meet them. Then they tell everyone around to be suspicious of you. Never felt like I could be totally truthful with gym owners questioning me because of fear of the unknown. Best thing you can do is just leave when you're questioned about things because they wont trust you anymore after that unless you have a lot of money or success going for you, which I dont/didnt because I suck at normal life things. After years of being given the surprise cold shoulder, judgement, and condemnation it destroys your hearts ability to open up properly. Just causing anxiety and problems for people all the time that all of a sudden here you did things that seem like you would never do. They fee like you tried to pull a fast one on you and then you become less than human in their eyes and cant be trusted. After years of the same rejections from family and friends happening over and over I can finally talk about it without the fear of being attacked or arrested or whatever it was that made the truth so hard to get out. Before the opiates I was the one wondering why anyone would ever do opiates of any kind, steal, or hurt people in any way. I think my joking about peoples issues is why I ended up living through it. I wasnt able to understand the other side of being a fuck up. Pretty sure I cant train under anyone that hasnt been through similar issues without them and the other people being in anxiety of some sort most of the time.
If anybody runs into this issue in the future when the opiate epidemic hits after all these top rappers talking about how great opiates are to people, just remember to build enough trust before going after the truth or it just feels like an interrogation and you're most likely not gonna get the full truth.
If you mix opiates with amphetamines and other drugs you will most likely crazy on some level. If a friend offers you opiates than they are not your friend unless they just dont know any better and are in that beginning party phase of opiate use. They are most likely gonna be your future drug dealer. People on opiates are gonna make a wrong decision sooner or later. It messes up your decision making and you never know which decision is gonna be the stupid one to start a long string of bad decisions. People can get their virtue back after addiction craziness but they have to really want it. The drugs will down grade your thought processes until you do the hard work of getting back to normal. One reason why many never are able to quit opiates.
Been spreading out in martial arts social media in every direction so I hope my interactions with 10p didnt seem like part of any type of agenda. I think thats all of it. If I have to quit jiu jitsu so my heart can move forward than so be it. Ive been through a lot of crazy mystical type stuff that most wouldnt believe unless theyve also been through it so that is a big reason why I had to clear my heart space. I can feel anger and resentment through the internet at times. All I can do is try to warn people of the dangers of opiates and help people get their virtue back after falling. Maybe one day Ill be balling enough to not be the "struggling to pay his monthly fee guy" and not make people around me nervous anymore.
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Originally Posted by maxmarkov
