Am I awake? I didn't think so.

[AshleyCrazSully]

It has come to my attention that I am never fully awake. I have never been fully awake since I was born over 20 years ago. When I was young, I felt more awake then I do now. I remember having such a clear concept of the way the world around me was working, memories from a life I had not lead yet, and dreams so real they were nightmares no matter what the subject of the dream.

Often, I was able to have lucid dreams as a child, and yet have never been able to achieve this as an adult. So what, exactly, took place from when I was 9 until now that has taken away the little bit on consciousness I did posses at some point?

I feel like weed has helped me towards an answer for a while... When I smoke, sometimes I go into this hazey fog that feels really great, but at the same time I think it's hiding truths from my own consciousness and I am starting to question the actual benefits of my habit.



This is not to say I am done with herb. I love nuggy. It's a major part of my life and has been THE. ONLY. consistency in my existence over the last decade. Before I started to smoke over ten years ago, the only consistency was confusion. Reffer was this beautiful thing that made it easier to socialize with people. Turned my awkward demeanor into a "stonner" personality. It started to allow me to question things more. Allowed me to question the faith I was taught as a child.

So, to consider, now, that this powerful activity has turned into a hindrance... it actually makes me quite sad. Is this what they mean by "gate-way drug"? Does pot stop making you feel good and start making you just flat out lazy after a tenure?

Having signed up at Legends and going to 10th Planet Classes, I am becoming stronger and more confident and I'm stoked that I am starting to find things I love doing more than getting ripped and watching Reno 911 or Arrested Development, though that is very fun. I love MMA. I love Jiu Jitsu. I see the world in ADHD-TV so to find something that holds my focus so fully is very reassuring.

When I watch Jiu Jitsu (for me) it's like watching Liza Minelli sing "Cabaret" or watching choreographed dancing, or listening to Eminem talk about anything. It brings me to this place where I can zone out and be free from thought. There is no noise or dialog in my mind. Just being a part of this thing that makes me so purely happy.

[Corky]

U shud do dmt

[Sean Marshall]

As you get older you pick up thoughts and beliefs from your environment. You lose your innocence as you start to think you should be doing certain things or saying certain things that others do. Its like you start picking up attachments here and there and they start to weigh you down. A container in water full of junk is definitely not gonna float. Your virtue falls as you pick up all these ideas that effect situations in your life. You also pick up Karma when you hurt others. That causes all kinds of things to go bad in different ways. As your virtue falls you lose the energy you need to work stuff. Can depend also what you born with

Thats as much as I can simplify it.

[Sean Marshall]

Forgot to say you also get energy to work stuff when others hurt you. You kinda trade good material to work with for someone elses bad material to work with. If that makes sense

[Karim Graham]

as if im gonna read all that writing -_-
loljk i read it all.
interesting read brochacho

[Luke Strickland]

Take a break off the herb for a month I'd say and see how it affects you. Could be positive, could be negative but without taking a break every now and again u have no idea who YOU actually are at your core imo.
You've probably changed a lot since way back when u started.

[The kza]

stop doing drugs for a while.... Then you'll be able to remember your dreams... then you can write them down..., then you can lucid dream

[Tyler Woolsey]

U shud do dmt

You should not talk of things you know nothing about.

[Matthew Stuart]

You should not talk of things you know nothing about.

I guess Corky won't be posting about anything ever again.


You speak from an interesting place, Ashley. Especially about having memories you haven't lived. I feel that way sometimes, but due to the nature of the experience, it's hard to tell if we mean quite the same thing.

I had a fucked up dream today. Two guys from work were in my house, drawing over the walls, and I was trying to cover it up with a mattress. But I could only open my eyes a tiny bit. Then one of them got a bag full tiny birds and opened it. They were flying all over the room, heading for the window behind me. I ducked to avoid them and lay on the ground, but one got stuck in my ear, so I tried to crush it under my head. Then I felt like bad, and the bird was flapping all around my ear. Then I woke up.

[AshleyCrazSully]

I guess Corky won't be posting about anything ever again.


You speak from an interesting place, Ashley. Especially about having memories you haven't lived. I feel that way sometimes, but due to the nature of the experience, it's hard to tell if we mean quite the same thing.

I had a fucked up dream today. Two guys from work were in my house, drawing over the walls, and I was trying to cover it up with a mattress. But I could only open my eyes a tiny bit. Then one of them got a bag full tiny birds and opened it. They were flying all over the room, heading for the window behind me. I ducked to avoid them and lay on the ground, but one got stuck in my ear, so I tried to crush it under my head. Then I felt like bad, and the bird was flapping all around my ear. Then I woke up.

I have little to no comment on the DMT front, I will say that I am not offended by anyone suggesting something in a genuinely helpful way, and I understand why you would recommend such a thing when I asked about this topic.

All of these suggestions are helpful, ah-thank you. I did, almost, have a lucid dream last night. My roommate came home at 3am and was slightly loud and I woke up a little bit. I remembered a video I saw that said if you wake up in the middle of the night you should imagine yourself spinning back into the dream you awoke from and you will be in the same dream, only lucid.

So as I spun into my dream I was on a street corner walking with a friend of mine. I kept trying to fly. I would jump up in the air and shoot off, as if there was a rocket under my butt... and I would get 50 feet in the air, and fall. Then 100 feet in the air and fall. It was 5 or 6 times before I realized, in my dream, that I have never flown in a dream, lucid or not. Then, I started to loose control of what I was doing and was now just watching my self, like OOBE style, furiously trying to figure out why I can't fly.

THEN, I woke up and walked with my roommate to Legends in Hollywood and as I explained to him that I wanted to know why everyone else automatically wants to fly - and was there an importance to my indifference of flying - and I looked up, and I was on the street corner from my dream. The more I think about this subject, the more I love it.