Got into watching MMA several years ago and wanted to start training BJJ. Got into "some" trouble and got put on house arrest. After like 8 months of not fucking up as a "reward," so to speak, my PO allowed me to start taking a martial arts class once a week which she still refers to as "karate" but it's actually BJJ. I don't feel the need to correct her for obvious reasons. As of right now I've been doing BJJ for a year and a half and I'm a four stripe (five really but that's another story lol) white belt in the Gi (much respect to Renatch). I still have a year left on house arrest and I am very thankful for being able to do BJJ at least once a week, twice if I am lucky. BJJ is keeping me relatively sane and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in; in a way BJJ has saved my life despite the fact that I haven't been in an actual fight since I started training.
Another reason I wanted to do BJJ and martial arts in general was because of my one and only experience in a real fight. I was a freshman in college and surprise, surprise, shit faced. A few days prior to this incident I fucked this girl who lived in the apartment below mine who could only Br described as, and I mean this in the most polite and respectful way possible, a raging slut. It was a Friday night and a ton of the people who lived in the nearby apartments were hanging out in this grassy area, we'll just call it the grassy knoll for entertainment purposes, between the student apartment buildings. One of these delightful young adults was an openly and flamboyantly gay young man who took a lot of pleasure in announcing to everyone who was in ear shot that I was plowing this notoriously slutty six with nice boobs named Trista. Mind you there were tons of way hotter girls around than her and this dick head was totally blowing my chances with any of them who didn't already have herpes. Being young, stupid, immature, embarrassed, sloshed, and probably a tad bit homophobic I approached this fellow calling him every derogatory name in the book in a childish attempt to save face.
At this point our antics had drawn quite a crowd. Not wishing to be further humiliated in front of my peers and potential human fleshlights I opened the physical portion of this confrotation with my go-to move at the time, the two handed chest shove. He responded in turn sending me flying several feet backwards due to the fact that I weighed around 150 at the time while this gentlemen was probably well north of 200 lbs and a few inches taller than me. The size difference mattered little to me at the time for I was under the assumption that my pention for pussy alone was enough to overcome anything a 220 lb homosexual could bring to the table. With a head full of whisky and right hand backed up by 18 years of societal programming assuring me that gays were sissys and fights always end quickly and in favor for the heterosexual with his haymakers I planted my feet and uncorked the biggest right hand my retarded being could muster. To my sheer unadulterated horror that queer ducked under my punch, bear hugged me, and wrestled me to the ground. Thankfully my friends pulled him off of me before he had a chance to kick my head in or forcefully penetrate me. At that moment I'm not sure which would have been worse or more humiliating. To be honest I would have probably welcomed my skull being crushed just to put me out of the existential misery that immediately washed over me the second that my big haymaker landed on nothing but air and waves of roaring laughter of people who I had only recently met and wished desperately to impress.
I was so bummed out after this incident that I scarcely came out of my room for the rest of the semester. That incident taught me a few very hard lessons. Don't pick fights with people, always be nice, don't bang sluts unless you can handle the consequences, and never put yourself into a situation where you're relying on skills you're only under the assumption that you have. This is the first time I have ever written this story down so I hope you guys enjoy it. Everything I said is 100% true just in case that wasn't clear.