They probably have a trick or two that works really well, but somehow systema videos make me go; "Oh God.." And then I get a headache..

Too compliant.. It's a bit like watching the old batman show opening sometimes.
Military self defense is always funny, remember SAFTA? The head instructor was in UFC 2 I think.. My reaction was: "Oh God" back then too, then the headache..
It's not competition stuff, but ordinary people with no grappling skills tend to fall for all sorts of strange standing arm-locks and stuff.. I worked with a doorman that did traditional japanese jiu jitsu at one point in time, and he made defending himself look like a demo reel from some martial arts show, lol!