Share your favorite Chuck Norris Facts

[JeffRace727]

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.

Chuck Norris can stab a knife with a man

Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

When life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he makes orange juice.

[Tyler Timmermans]

no one watches World Combat League because Chuck Norris always wins

[Phil Ramer]

chuck norris doesn't tea bag you, he potato sacks you

[Pete Daly]

The big bang theory is a myth. Chuck Norris sneezed, and then there was light.

[Jon Helton]

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

[Kevin Madsen]

Chuck Norris got chocked the fuck out by Helio Gracie in the 80's and called it "The most humbling experience in my martial arts career".

He used BJJ in Walker Texas Ranger. Watch it, you 'll see armbars and stuff once and a while.

His beard actually hides a third fist.

The Boogey Man check under his bed for Chuck Norris.

[Dartangan Jackson]

Chuck Norris made it look like he got choked out by Helio Gracie in the 80's so BJJ would grow in popularity because he grew bored of people not standing a chance against him. now they only have a 100% chance of dying in a fight against him instead of the 110% chance before.

[Cookie Monster]

Chuck norris doesnt jump
the earth moves down

chuck norris can kick your ass in thumb wrestling using his toes

chuck norris doesnt wait in line a line form behind him

some people can write there name in snow with there urine...chuck norris writes his biography

chuck norris doesnt head bang the entire venue shakes

chuck norris doesnt take showers, the entire planet just gets dirtier

chuck norris doesnt punch you in the face,you run towards his fist

....rubber guard doesnt work on chuck norris

[Dartangan Jackson]

There was once a move in the Rubber Guard called the Chuck Norris.....R.I.P. to those who were put in it.

[Jason Hyatt]

Chuck Norris has never taken a shit. Food cannot withstand the awesome power of his digestive tract. He is actually 100% efficient in his digestion and metabolism and therefore produces no waste. Chuck was the first and only person to truly "go green".