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Thread: Tough situation

  1. #1

    Tough situation

    I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but...
    Little background: I went through traumatic events and came out a completely damaged person. I was told by a crisis counselor "just throw normal out the window. That's not you anymore."
    I have been doing jiu jitsu for a few months now. I try to talk to my coach about behaviors that may or will cause problems. I told him I have memory loss, that I can have panic attacks, etc.
    I try to tell him that I'm not trying to disrespect him or anyone else in any way, there's some things I just can't help. I do dissociate and am really out of it so I start acting weird. I have just gotten up and walked around trying to just snap out of it.
    I did tell him that because of what happened, I hate touch. Although bjj is all about touch, I can accept that for training because I know no ones there with the intent to harm, but asked if there be no further touching after that, even if it's just a tap on the shoulder. I do have reactions to that.
    He has done stuff a few times and it's to the point that I can't practice because I'm scared of him.
    There's a bunch more but those are the main problems.
    i have been told by other that I am just making excuses (I haven't told them anything at all about this stuff.) I can't tell you all how much I wish I was just lazy and making excuses because that would be easier to deal with
    I stayed in his class because I see him as a great instructor aside from all of this.
    I stayed because there were visible improvements as to my condition ( I have been hit by cars and not even moved because I don't register that it's there. Now I have reactions.)
    But on the other hand, it has its negative effects on my mental health as well. I wanted to just take a break and come back when I could handle it better, but a recent veiled threat from an attacker makes me want to stay because I have to know how to defend myself.
    I tried looking into other places but they don't "click" with me. Thoughts?


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