Jeremy, the following comment is assuming you want to use the video to help promote your academy and get more students. If that's not the purpose of the video, please disregard.
As an online marketer, this is what I see. I think the video doesn't do enough to make your potential students aware of their deepest pains/frustrations and then convey what your school will do to take away those pains/frustrations.
Depending on who you'd like to appeal to most (parents of children, hardcore BJJers, middle aged desk jockeys, etc.), examples could be: being bullied, feeling like a wimp, having no confidence, having an unattractive body, being overweight, parents' fear that their kids will grow up lacking self-esteem or go astray from ennui, etc.
It was a smart thing using a female student because that conveys the idea that a fundamentally (physically) weaker individual can learn to effectively defend themselves against a bigger, stronger opponent (issues solved: self confidence, fear of being overpowered by a man). However, the average jiu jitsu newbie is going to see this video and think it looks cool but in all likelihood won't really "get it" -- certainly they might miss the connection between doing acrobatics in a kimono and how it resolves their most burning problems.
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