The Onion's MMA T-Shirt

[ZachWaldman]

http://onion.com/lpcOU3

[LeeCunningham]

LAS VEGAS—Mixed martial artist Phillipe Nover announced design plans Thursday for a new T-shirt that he claimed would be completely covered in hundreds of dumbshit fighting terms and stupid fucking tribal patterns. "This shirt will feature a rambling assortment of worthless violent images and words, like 'grapple' and 'slam,' all thrown together in the most unappealing colors possible," said Nover, adding that graphics would include spray-painted angel wings, laughing skulls wearing crowns, random splatter marks, and other images so idiotic they could only appeal to 8-year-old boys from Long Island or emotionally undeveloped middle-aged men. "It's going to look like two Ed Hardy shirts fucked and vomited on each other. I can guarantee it will be the stupidest, ugliest T-shirt ever made." When asked if the inside tag would also feature an unsightly design, Nover admitted he had not yet thought of that but would be sure to include "machine guns or naked lady silhouettes or something else that's stupid."

[Enrique "Kiko"]

LAS VEGAS—Mixed martial artist Phillipe Nover announced design plans Thursday for a new T-shirt that he claimed would be completely covered in hundreds of dumbshit fighting terms and stupid fucking tribal patterns. "This shirt will feature a rambling assortment of worthless violent images and words, like 'grapple' and 'slam,' all thrown together in the most unappealing colors possible," said Nover, adding that graphics would include spray-painted angel wings, laughing skulls wearing crowns, random splatter marks, and other images so idiotic they could only appeal to 8-year-old boys from Long Island or emotionally undeveloped middle-aged men. "It's going to look like two Ed Hardy shirts fucked and vomited on each other. I can guarantee it will be the stupidest, ugliest T-shirt ever made." When asked if the inside tag would also feature an unsightly design, Nover admitted he had not yet thought of that but would be sure to include "machine guns or naked lady silhouettes or something else that's stupid."

Nothing says "I'm a tough guy" like a shirt with 50 skulls on it.

[Josh C.]

not being a D* but you do know the Onion is fake right?

[LeeCunningham]

not being a D* but you do know the Onion is fake right?

Of course.

[Eddie Bravo]

My favorite shirt says "My other Tshirt has skulls on it"

[Shawn Arnold]

not just skulls, glittery skulls. lol

[AndyK5]

Ok Ok Ok... it is time to admit and come clean. I do own 2 affliction t-shirts one green the other black for the last 3 years. I still do not really know what is on them since they are very confusing, but skulls, chains and random, slam, choke, tap, snap etc.. are all over them. To my defense, my girlfriend at the time bought them for me, after recognizing that I love combat sports. I do not wear them outside and only use them while rolling. They are good t-shirts that resisted tearing and stretching for a while now.

[Enrique "Kiko"]

not just skulls, glittery skulls. lol

Ooh yes, glittery skulls with wings and possibly one with flames over the head of a large skull on the center of the chest. That's extra tough!

[Enrique "Kiko"]

Ok Ok Ok... it is time to admit and come clean. I do own 2 affliction t-shirts one green the other black for the last 3 years. I still do not really know what is on them since they are very confusing, but skulls, chains and random, slam, choke, tap, snap etc.. are all over them. To my defense, my girlfriend at the time bought them for me, after recognizing that I love combat sports. I do not wear them outside and only use them while rolling. They are good t-shirts that resisted tearing and stretching for a while now.

It takes a big man to admit this. Respect Brother.